I’ve found some amount of solace in grinding. I don’t think many would understand what I’m talking about without some context. Not because it’s something complicated or esoteric, but instead, simply because something like “grinding” could mean a variety of things. In this case, I’m talking about doing something repetitive, over and over again, usually for some kind of purpose. Now, I’m not the only one who likes this, but I can’t help but feel that many fail to notice how much they love to grind. I would think in the past that I don’t like doing literally the same thing over and over again; I would believe that I require some amount of variation. Sure, this might have some truth, but also it might not. This could be a case of my mind changing in the long-term, or something more temporary until it returns back to a state it previously was in, but nonetheless, in the present, I find myself grinding away at certain things in order to pass the time. I want to tackle some fundamental questions you probably have about grinding, like what it is, why I like it, how it’s done, and then how those questions might apply to other people. I will also specify in which ways I grind, in the present, and how I used to in the past, so that you can better understand, or I hope you will, how I have developed in my grinding.
Trying to define “grinding” clearly can be simplified to something along the lines of doing some repetitive action for the sake of it or for a greater purpose, however, these are not mutually exclusive. You could grind away at your job because you must do so in order to survive, or you might grind because you love grinding away at whatever it is you’re doing because it leads to something greater or more meaningful. Yet, it’s also possible you love the grind itself, not the work nor the meaning. Grinding can also take the form of an action that you know is reliable, and maybe you don’t receive anything good, like good feel chemicals, from the grind, but you don’t know a better alternative, and it distracts you from other parts of your life, so you keep at it. Now, not all of these characteristics exactly apply to me, but I will try my best to explain why grinding is a part of my life.
To grind away at something is to be distracted. It is exactly this, distraction, which is exactly why I like grinding so much. To be lost in something that makes me forget my reality, my situation in life, my pain; that is why I spend so much time grinding away at things that arguably will not benefit me. When I feel distracted, I feel fine, but my mind is being taken up by something that isn’t reminding me of all my pain. At least, that’s how it mostly works. Yet, I must specify that I can’t grind away at just about anything; I must have the belief that it is actually leading somewhere, even if it actually isn’t. The prime example that I have for grinding in myself, especially recently, has been physically practicing on instruments.
It seems a little odd to say physically practicing but by this I mean it’s unlikely, or sometimes even rare, that I’m mentally pushing myself in the hours of practice. Sometimes I am, but in the grinding, it is almost completely mindless physical endurance and sharpening. Bass and guitar can be much of the same thing, a variety of practicing arpeggios, scales I normally don’t think in, and messing with those scales to work my fretting and picking hands. I could spend endless hours on these things, and it’s so totally weird because you would believe one would do that because they want to be able to physically do something with it, but in many cases, I can physically handle what I want, at least on bass. On piano, it’s very much the same thing, but a stronger focus on training my hands to work together through some exercises I’ve learned, but also learning basic songs quickly to then put both hands at work, together.
Learning songs is generally what I would consider an expectation to anyone who cares about playing an instrument. Most have a song or songs they want to play, and that’s why they’re playing or thinking about playing, but that isn’t the case for me. I have learned some songs, and then didn’t really feel anything from them, while with others, I’ve felt a little something. Learning songs is one thing, but executing them properly, with no errors, always on time, is another, and that can be exhausting. To be fatigued or used up by something is okay if you believe there is some sort of reward as a result of your work. If you don’t receive or believe there is a reward, you might question why you’re doing it. For myself, I had a moment where I was practicing three songs, but they weren’t really working for me anymore, so I stopped working on them on a daily basis. In saying all this, I’ve yet to describe how I’m actually able to get to a point in which I am focused on whatever it is I’m doing to then become distracted, which is why I’m grinding in the first place.
It took a significant amount of pushing at first. It’s not like I started out brainlessly practicing. In the beginning, I had to think about what I was doing, why I was doing it, and then using my brain to then do it properly. I would do this time and time again until I could do it properly, and really, this is actual practice. You should do this until there are minimal errors, and then ramp up the difficulty, and if you keep doing that, I’d like to imagine there would be something along the lines of progression. These days however, I find myself in this endless corridor of repetition; I have pushed myself to the point I’m at, and I don’t exactly find myself always having the power to “push” like I might have been able to, let’s say, a year ago, but I want to maintain what I do have. I don’t want to lose what I’ve tried so hard to obtain, so I do endless, brainless, physical practice in order to maintain that, loosely. The main idea in how I’m doing this is pretty much the fact that I had to try really hard at first, but now, I can try hard, but only physically speaking; I focus, but the thinking I have to do is minimal. Now, I’m not the only one who practices instruments, obviously, but others probably do a bit of what I’m describing and some of their own methods, however, I want to speak of entirely other types of grinding, and one type that comes to mind is video games.
When I say video games, I’m mostly talking about MMOs. For some, you probably saw this coming from a mile away. It’s quite funny, but I like the idea of MMOs, I even joke about playing World of Warcraft a lot, however, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get myself to play it. I like the idea of grinding, but I already have something to grind at, but something that you might have been able to catch is fact that it’s simply because I already have something. It has nothing to do with the belief that one thing might be superior or better than another. People playing MMOs started playing them at one point or another, and sort of locked themselves in. People get addicted to grinding, and when there’s a story involved, and there is some sort of point in all the grinding; goals to be achieved and people to impress, what do you know, people get on the grind! Yes, there’s more here than the grind itself, as we have to consider what else might be happening at the same time of the grind.
Brainless physical practice can allow me to listen to or watch a video, or show, if I feel able, as I’m going at whatever it is I’m doing. Just the same, someone playing an MMO, or really, any video game, has the same option available to them. Not to self-insert too much, but I have moments, albeit rare now, where I love to mine in Minecraft. I brainlessly go caving while listening to music or a video, and if I really feel up to it, I can do this for hours. It was not so long ago where I would wake up at 3 AM, and in my mind, the best thing I could do before work would be to mine in Minecraft, but there was something else at play, as well. Other people. This is probably one of the biggest draws for people that are starting out at an MMO and one of the reasons why many players will play for years on end. They want to play with their friends, or they want to speak with random people, and maybe they have a guild they want to be with and work with. That type of video game environment exists for that, in a massively multiplayer role-playing game, you can focus less on the grinding and more on the conversation or feeling that someone else is there. I think that’s a really nice feeling, but I haven’t played those games as much, but I understand why someone would want it, because I’ve had similar feelings in other games.
Team Fortress 2 is my most played game, and I will admit I have a lot of time spent in Casual mode, which I’d consider pretty isolating. Most times, people don’t talk there, and so I would listen to a video in the background, and of course, there were times I was so immersed in the game, all I needed was the game itself. These days, however, I actively only join community servers because that’s exactly what I want: community. I want to be with other people, the same people, and hear them chat, and if I feel good enough, chat back with them. I like hearing people talk about their lives, their triumphs, their difficulties, what they’ve been up to, and so on. Even if I don’t have anything to add myself, I like to be a part of that environment rather than one that is silent. Being aware I’m playing with other players might be enough sometimes, but often, and only becoming more often, is that I need more; I need to hear those people and I want to know about them. This, for a time, was a motivator of mine that would keep me grinding the game. I would keep playing, even if I don’t get much out of the game itself, just so I can be with the other people and hear what they might have to say. Using this as a basis, I want to lead into why some players might grind and practice on this type of video game, and then wrap that core idea back to music.
There’s this thing, “my gaming edge,” or you might’ve heard it as “MGE,” which exists in TF2 as fast-paced 1v1 battles. These are good in some ways, but limited in how helpful they can be, as working with other players changes a lot of things, but nonetheless, many train for hours and hours in MGE. Why might one do this? Well, yes, there’s the person who loves the grind itself, and seeks nothing more than that, but I want to focus on another type of individual. I also want to consider the person who grinds but does so in order to have a certain capability that can then be recognized by themselves as enough, and once reaching that point, they will want to be a part of, and work with, a team. Maybe they’re already in a team, but want to practice so that they won’t let their teammates down. This is a solo variety of practice that benefits their ability to play, and the better one person plays, the better the team plays. This person might want to play with a team, and once reaching a certain playing ability, will, and then they can practice alone while also practicing with their teammates against other teams who also want to practice. The end-goal being playing the game with people they want to be with, enjoying the game, and doing well and succeeding. The grind comes in the solo variety, playing MGE, but also can also be social, practicing with randoms on a team or with their own teammates. They love grinding because that feels good; they have to love the game to grind it so much, but also, they want to be with others who share that same love. This, I would also point a finger at, is why someone might practice an instrument alone, for hours, for years, to then be a certain level to be in a band with certain people.
I have a specific example, one of my closest friends. He is constantly practicing, and he does so for many reasons. I’m sure some of those reasons are the same as mine, although I haven’t asked, but mindless practice can probably do something similar for me as it does for him, however, there’s a difference between us. Aside from skill-gap, and the years more practice he has, and all the other knowledge he has, there is an interest he has that I do not. This is being in a band. I have no interest to be in a band, really. If I wanted to, it would be a lot easier for me, because for me to play any of the instruments I have experience in, at the skill-level I’m at, with other people, it would be pretty easy to find a lot of other people at that skill-level, no matter what instrument it is. However, for him, he’s far beyond that. Maybe at one point, it would’ve been easy for him to get into one, like myself in the present, at least in one sense, but after you reach a certain level, you want to play with others at that level, too. He makes music, and is continually working on music to showcase his abilities, in part because he loves it, but also to attract other musicians to his playing. His form of grinding is multi-faceted, and at this point, he must grind to maintain and grow, because at the level he wants to play at, to consistently to do so, such is required. I want to wrap this back around to an example almost everyone would be able to understand at some level: work.
I mean this in the societal-normative idea of work, maybe a better word would be employment. You go to a place to do a thing you’ve been employed to do, do the thing, go home, and rinse and repeat, week after week. Work can be great, or it can be terrible, but it also can be neutral. To recall a commonality in many who grind; a benefit, even on the side, is other people. At work, this is the same. It isn’t always the case, of course it isn’t, but in many cases, for many individuals, it is only through having other people that they can handle the reality that their life is endless grinding at a place they don’t want to be at. They might wish to be somewhere else, doing anything else, but for whatever reason, whether of their own accord, or circumstances, they have to grind away at something they don’t like. People, the co-workers, might be pleasant enough, distracting enough, to forget, even for a little bit, the reality of their situation, and that is enough to keep them grinding just the same.
For others, they might enjoy grinding away at their work. There might be meaning within what they’re doing, and that keeps them going. It might be hard to believe, but there are people who do work with the intent, and do succeed in, helping others. A lot of people I know, in the context of the United States, have had terrible experience with public school and the teachers within those institutions. My experience is generally the same, but there are a few exceptions, and those exceptions are the people I’m talking about. They genuinely want to do good, and by trying to do good, they succeed, and it actually means something to people; in this case, students. Their meaning, to teach the next generation, is something that works, and the lessons learned in those classrooms actually retain later on in life, or at the very least, there is a fondness of learning, rather than hatred or distaste. This does link back to people in some sense, but a more distinctly grinding-away type of work that I could point to is physical labor.
This could be within the realms of trades or not, the point is, physical action is required, an exceptional exertion, to do whatever needs to be done. Lifting heavy pipes, or swinging tools, or digging holes; these things are done out of a purpose. Yes, one might argue that the purpose isn’t all that meaningful, like building a corporate office, but others are, like repairing roads, or fixing water systems, or even building those systems in the first place. Maintaining infrastructure, public or not, requires the hard work from those willing to give up their bodies to do that work, and so hopefully, and sometimes they do, are rewarded monetarily well. Not always, unfortunately, and it depends on the context of the person and the nation they’re within, but with something like a trade, there is more opportunity for that type of work to then lead to a good living. They know they actively are doing something that means something, has a real result, as they can physically feel it and see it happening, and they also can actually survive. I’ve noticed a tendency in these types of individuals to work a lot more than others, they either love the grind, have to grind, or maybe both.
To grind away at something is to do some repetitive action time and time again. It might mean there’s some greater purpose to it, but there doesn’t always need to be. One could grind for the sake of grinding, but one could also grind as an excuse to be with others who want to grind away at the same thing. I personally enjoy grinding because it allows me to sink into something, to forget my reality, and I know that many others do the same. To grind is to focus on doing something, have a level of competency at doing that thing, and then be able to do it without having to think so deeply upon it; and then of course, doing it ritualistically. Whether you want to grind at an instrument, a video game, or a job, in the end, you’re doing the same thing, fundamentally, which is choosing a thing to do. You do it, sleep, and do it again, and maybe that’s because you really like it, or that you have to, but it’s just as possible you have made yourself believe you have to. I know that I will continue grinding away, at least until I no longer can, and I think that just about everyone else will do the same.