It’s weird to be asked by multiple individuals about the same thing. This same thing is the analyzation of past ideas, and what I think I will do when ideas change. Not only do I find it to be odd that multiple people would ask this, but also the idea that something must be done as a result of a change in ideas is unusual. We are humans, and so we’re always in a state of change, and when things have changed before, did we feel like something must be done as a result of that change? Probably not, it was the change itself that we focused on, not what we will do in the future when we change from the change.
Maybe I’m pushing it a little bit, and especially because the context was in reference to video creation. I’m sharing ideas in a video format, by writing down my ideas and vocalizing them, and these ideas have varied greatly. Whether I’m talking about getting to the bottom of internal problems or breaking down Team Fortress into the plot diagram, these are all ideas, and they all have fluidity, none are static and unchanging. This means as I grow, and progress into whatever future me is, many of these ideas will likely change, or they will be altered to fit the new paradigm of me. So, what will I do about that?
Before answering that question, I also wanted to add something else in. It was this idea that because my ideas are changing, I will want to hide away what once was. One might think that, in shame of what I was, I will change the old videos to unlisted, pretend like they never happened, and be in a state of embarrassment because that was me at a point in time. This is unequivocally silly. I don’t understand why I would ever go about doing something like this. The term used in the short-lived conversation was “cringe,” referencing those old videos in comparison to whatever future me is. I found this to be a projection if anything. Fear of the past, of what they once were, and so they have to hide it away so that others can’t see it, and they are ashamed of their past, because their past is something to be censored or hidden.
In response to this, I said I wouldn’t care, because if things are changing, the systems in my mind, my ideas, and my actions, then all is well. I don’t have to fear the past, nor sharing it. I think by fearing the past, and feeling embarrassment to the fact we’re changing beings, it acts as an excuse to be idle. You’re opting to stagnate rather than grow and flourish. Anyone who makes something beautiful or worth acknowledging, in my opinion anyway, didn’t start at the point they are in the present. If they had instead felt “cringe” in response to what they once were, they would rather not do the thing at all, because it’s a negative feeling, and people like to avoid those.
If you’ve clicked around, you might see that I have playlists with unlisted videos already. I’m not exactly ashamed of these videos, but it’s not something I want to present. It’s not exemplary of what I am now, but if you wanted to look, it’s there, you just have to work a little harder for it. I wouldn’t consider myself contradictory based on the fact these playlists exist, but instead, aware that I know how it feels to feel like some things are better off not being seen, but if one wishes to view them, they can.
To answer that question, of what I will do, I have to say, it depends. Some ideas I definitely want to share, but I know they will change quickly, and how I perceive them will be altered distant in time from when I post the video. With many ideas, I think that once I have experienced enough of a paradigm shift, I can then make a reply or a replacement video to that old idea. If I talk about something, but a year in the future I find that I no longer agree with what I presented, I can make an entire video voicing my new ideas, and breaking-down why the old ones are no longer held. It also comes down to severity of change. In the case of fundamental change, I will do as described, make a new video as a replacement to the old. However, ideas and feelings tend to be more fluid and take more time to morph into something that could be only described as different.
Due to the variability in difference, I won’t always want to make an entire video. I think that other features, like pinned comments, descriptions, and replies to comments will fulfill much of the small changes that might occur. If I disagree partially with an old idea, I can write in a pinned comment that is so, why that is, and how it changes the context and the ideas presented in the video itself.
The only exception to these, the case in which I would private or set a video as unlisted, would be in the case that I believe the ideas being presented are harmful. I take care to make this not so, but I don’t consider it an impossibility, and in the case that happens, I would make a video as a replacement, describing my wrongful ideas and how they’ve changed for the better. Right now, I don’t know under what circumstances I would share something harmful. I could make things that are harmful, and I know what that looks like, but I can’t see my own blindness until that I’ve made a mistake, and so I learn from that mistake thereafter.
I’m human, which means I am going to make mistakes, and I’m willing to own up to them, when they inevitably do happen. Not only this, I am also accepting of change, and of the difference in quality, that, hopefully, will occur gradually with the continued production of content. If after many months, there is no change in quality, I’d probably be more worried than anything. That would be a sign to me that I am stagnating, and not improving, and I want improvement. A valuable question to this, and to progression, is how I am defining both a positive change and progression. What is positive in my mind, in this particular context?
The quickest way someone might gauge an improvement in their content is based on the numerical values presented. These being viewership, likes, comments, and any of the other numbers present to the uploader. If there is increased viewership, the person might think they’re doing well, while if viewership decreases, they believe they’ve done poorly. I don’t entirely disagree with this method, it does showcase changes in what works and what doesn’t, but I think at this stage, there is a lot of variability in what will be clicked on. In fact, I’m still working through that, but what I believe what most people want to click on is not the same as videos I would want to click on.
I mean this in the sense that I believe I prefer videos that don’t appeal to massively large audiences. They do this with a specification of their content. They might focus on something or a few things that are pretty esoteric, or they delve deep in a variety of topics, but it is the quality of writing and video that makes the content worth watching. The most popular videos are not ones of quality, instead, they are focused on mass-appeal, and it works, and that’s fine, but I’m not concerned with that. I’m concerned with making content I would watch, and the videos I do watch have well written scripts, relevant visuals, minimal thumbnails, and lack clickbait. Many of these channels are far from large, but that is fine, because they produce things I believe to be good, of quality, and I would want to focus on that more than anything.
I think by creating something of quality, and selling it as quality, as in, the title and thumbnail, I would attract those also interested in quality. The thing about quality is that it is awfully relative. What I believe to be valuable might be worthless to you, but if you’re listening right now, we might have some overlap. However, the thought a few have exclaimed to me, the idea that I would feel dissatisfaction with the past because the present is better, now contains further relevancy. This is because the feelings described in that statement are to do with a change in quality. What was once the best I could do is now far below the current baseline, and with continued progression, that baseline increases. The ability to execute the task at that baseline also eases, because I will have acquired more knowledge and a greater ability to do the task, and so the next best thing, the more difficult thing in my new-present mind, will then be difficult, and I will infinitely continue this action. Everything is cyclic.
Progression is marked by an increase in knowledge and ability. The knowledge is defined by my search for better ways to make thumbnails, or how to write better, or searching for what I like and then replicating that with my own flair. There are also ways I will grow that I can’t measure right now, as what I consider valuable might change. In fact, I might stop making videos, finding that I have something else I’d rather reach for. Would that invalidate what I have created? Would I then go on to consider what I’ve done to be worthless, and then wish that I had spent my time doing the other thing that I have then moved onto? No, of course not, that’s silly! What has been created has worth that I can either give or take, and for me to take would be illogical, because the only objective worth that I can assign to what I’ve done is that I created something. Creation, across the board, is a difficult and tiring task, and the more that we complicate things, the more additions we add, the more we wish to improve, the more tiring it can feel. By creating anything, I am working that muscle, and the more I work it, the stronger it becomes. Even if I move on, that muscle has been worked, and that muscle can be used for things outside of video creation.
Ability is marked by the ease in which I reach a particular goal that I set in my mind. We can view it in others, and we can use fitness as an example. Someone can set a goal for a deadlift weight they want to achieve, and they set a schedule for themselves in order to build up the strength in order to reach whatever weight that is. Not only are they working on their ability to build strength, but also their ability to stick with something, care about it, and create goals that are achievable. Each time they increase the weight, what was difficult becomes easier, and the distance between their current abilities and their past abilities, assuming they continue to lift, will only become continually distant. This is applicable to things outside of lifting, in fact, it applies to all things that can be more than what they previously were.
Knowledge increases the complexity of the thing for the person learning. What they knew was what they knew, and nothing more, and now more comes about with new information. With more information, comes a greater ability to do something, greater versatility, and it opens up many more doors that one did not recognize were open in the first place. Ability is our execution of that knowledge, and it improves by doing things with that increased knowledge. This is how I will recognize positive change and improvement on my videos.
As I learn more ideas, I will then have many more ideas of my own. As I learn how to make better thumbnails, better thumbnails will be created. As I learn how to edit video better, better videos will be created. It isn’t anymore complicated than that, the most notable complexity comes about in my actual ability to use and create things with my increased awareness. It isn’t something easy to do, and it takes time. I recognize that I will slow down on my learning at times, and speed up at others. I’m not a perfect machine capable of always being in a state of improvement, trust me, I’d love to, but it takes time for information to soak in and become a part of you. The time required varies depending on the person, but right now, a lot of this is new to me, and newness takes some time to become what I believe to always have been.
What I really want to hark on is the fact that I have not always thought in these ways. I’ve made a video about judgement, and it is exactly that, judgement, which has made this a topic worth pursuing. I think that in the past I was much more focused on judgement than I am now. It is through these judgmental feelings that I can recognize how silly much of what I had thought and felt in the past has been. It is exactly that, judgement, looking back upon yourself and finding something akin to “cringe” that acts as an impairment to move forward, and that was much of what I did in the past, and so I did not move forward.
I think judgement is important, and I still judge myself today, but to the extent of that has been cut short. I’ve considerably limited how much judging occurs. It takes up space in my mental inventory, and I can’t hold onto those feelings and be able to function in the same way that I do now. As I step further and further away from the thoughts of comparing myself to others, viewing myself as less, and not judging myself so harshly for what I have been and what I will be, I shed free webs that once held me down. The mind is not some infinite emotional machine, it gets tired, and having these feelings only clogs up the machine and its ability to do work.
To those who stop themselves because of their awareness that they will have better ideas in the future, or that they will create better things in the future, and are unwilling to share what is now, I ask an important question. When will you be enough? The answer is clear and unfortunate. You will never be enough. Knowing you will never be enough, and that you will never reach the top, and that you will never exceed yourself, and that you are forever stuck in the something, despite reaching for the nothing. Perhaps it is time to recognize that starting now will be a lot easier than starting later. If you keep doing the thing, and trying, and always reaching for more, there will always be more to grasp, and in this awareness, you have to stay aware that this is a never-ending cycle, so you should start, no matter what stage of the cycle you’re in.
If you don’t want to share, that’s fine, and you don’t have to. I share because I believe it can be beneficial to others, and most importantly, it is important to me, the fact that I share gives me forward momentum to share more. I enjoy the comments, the replies, the people adding me, I genuinely believe I have an impact, and my impact could be different, it could be negative, and that probably would give me more viewership, but I think by taking on something I believe to be more positive; I help and give rather than take. I know there are others who want this, but are afraid, whether it be because of similar ideas of judgment, or the fear of viewing themselves in the past as “cringe.” To me, if that is your impairing force, you need a reminder to love yourself, no matter where you are, or what you are.
It is in this love that I find that I have no problem viewing myself in the past as different, or unwise, or whatever negative label I want to use. I loved myself then, so I’ve done well, and I love myself now, so I’m doing well now. You should love yourself too, no matter what you are, or where you’re going, and you shouldn’t feel fear or disgust to the past self, at the very least, you should admire yourself from moving on past yourself. However, from then on forward, upon that point of realization that you have changed, remind yourself that you love yourself, unconditionally, and even when you inevitably change again, when you become a different person, when you become a more knowledgeable person, you still love yourself an inexorable amount.
I haven’t posted many videos, and not all of these videos have been the most interesting or advanced ideas, even in my current conception of what is and isn’t, and whatever lays in-between. However, even in this short amount of time, I’ve recognized change and improvement, perhaps less on in a change of ideas, but a change in production and confidence. Take for example the introductory video posted in October. Things have changed quite a bit since then I think, and I probably could remake that video if I wanted to, and it would be a lot better, but I don’t feel the need to quite yet. I think it’s fine as it is, and I loved myself then, and I love myself now, and I’m not upset nor do I feel discontent with my inexperience then. I had to obtain the experience, the confidence, and learn how to make the thing by doing it, not by not doing it.
All in all, old ideas may or may not be reviewed, it depends on the severity of change. If there has been a significant or fundamental change, I can remake a video on that particular idea. I can revamp my idea, show how it has changed, and then move on once again. For smaller yet relevant changes in specifics of the idea, I can change the description or add a pinned comment in order to show that things have changed, in the case that anyone clicks on that older video. What I hope you got out of this is that it’s okay that change occurs, and you shouldn’t be upset or afraid that you have become a different person, a person that is more than that older version of yourself, but instead, you should be content with this. You should love yourself, as that old person, and as the new person, as the new will become old again, but the love shall persist.